Denial

When I look in the mirror I don't see what everyone else sees. I don't realize how fat I really am. I think I have chosen to see the over weight girl that I use to be or the woman that I was after having my children. I'm in denial. Tonight I going to take a few full length photos and post the here. Maybe this will snap me out of the delusional image I see of myself.

Why can't I get this weight thing under control.  I want to wake up and be a normal size.  Not a skinny twig but just a normal size.  I want to fit into fashionable clothes, I'm tired of wear jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers.  Tonight I was sitting across from a woman on the train and I can see how much the extra pounds she is carrying is hurting her physically. Mentally she doesn't get it (just like me). She pulled out a food container, she examine's the container and then puts it away. I could just imagine what was going through her mind at the site of the container.  Her feet and ankles are so swollen that's why I'm thinking about my denial.  There is probably something very high calorie and high sodium in that container.  Even though her ankles and feet are swollen and she's in pain she will still eat what's in that container when she gets home.  This thought made me so sad for her and myself.


I got off the train and headed for McDonald's even after what I just saw and thought. It's about 2 hours later and  I'm now sitting here trying to figure out what will it take for me to get my eating habits under control.  What will it take for me to make healthy choices.  I keep using my stress as an excuse but it's a lame ass excuse.  I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, get up off my ass and get moving. I need to start making better choices and get this damn weight off of me.  I know what to do to lose the weight but I just don't want to do these things.